Self Inflicted Pain GerIta
by Black Angel Of Berlin
Summary: No one cares about Feliciano. So, he cuts himself. What he doesn't realize, is he has a lot of people who love him. GerIta. Rated T for cutting. Human AU 3rd category is friendship
1. Chapter 1

Narrarator POV

Feliciano never even felt it anymore. He'd been cutting himself since he was 11; he was 18 now. He knew he had to stop, but he just couldn't. It was so normal to him now. He still remembered the first day he cut. It was his 11th birthday…

"_Feli, come here! I want to give you your gift!" Francis said. Francis Feliciano's older 'brother'. They weren't really brothers, but Feli still called him that._

"_What is it, big brother?" he asked excitedly._

"_It's a paint set! I know how much you love art!"_

"_Thank you! I love it!" 'I wonder if anyone else will give me a gift…' he thought._

_He waited all day for someone, anyone to come wish him Happy Birthday, but no one did. Not even _nonno_ or _fratello_. So, he cried. And cried. And cried. Then, he thought of something that Romano, his biological older brother did to relieve his pain. He had seen Romano do it when Romano was 11 and he was only 7. He hadn't understood why he had a razor in his hand or why he was bleeding, but he did now. So, he cut himself. It stung a little, but he continued until he had 11 cuts on each arm. And he did the same thing every night for 7 years, except it was one cut each night, unless it was his birthday._

On his 12th birthday, he did 12 cuts on each arm. On his 13th, he did 13. And so on, until his 18th birthday.

That was today. He decided to just 9 on each arm, because he was actually starting to feel better. Just a little. On the 9th cut on his last arm, he accidentally hit an important artery, and he passed out from the blood loss.

Ludwig's POV

"Hey, Gilbert, I'm going to Feliciano's house for his birthday! Try not to burn the house down while I'm gone!" he yelled.

He was about to step out the front door when he heard his older brother's voice. "Oh, so you're going to see your boyfriend, huh?"

Ludwig blushed. "He's not my boyfriend!"

He had told Gilbert about his secret crush about a month back. Oh, how he regretted that.

"Kesesese~ At least tell him how you feel today! He probably has a crush on you, too! I've seen how he clings to you!"

He didn't even respond this time. He knew there was no point. So, he left.

0OoOoOoOoOoOoO0

When he got to Feliciano's house, he just went in, knowing his friend left the door unlocked and was probably taking his daily siesta. So, he went in, and went straight up to his room. When he entered the room, he noticed he wasn't there. 'Odd' he thought. 'He's normally asleep right now. Maybe he woke up early or something.'

"Feliciano? It's Ludwig! Where are you?" He suddenly heard a crash coming from the bathroom. Abandoning all logic, he busted in. What he saw was unexpected; a pool of blood coming from his friend's arm, and said friend unconscious, razor in hand. He stood there shocked for a moment, before the sound of knocking jolted him into reality. He located where the knocking was coming from, and raced to the front door.

"Hey, Ludwig, I guess Feli's home since you're he-"

"Elizaveta, no time to explain, but I need you to call an ambulance! Feli is in the bathroom laying in a pool of his own blood! Hurry!"

She widened her eyes in shock, and pulled out her cell. Ludwig raced up the stairs and picked Feliciano up, taking him into the living room.

"I called the ambulance, they will be here any minute now. What happened?"

Ludwig explained what happened, very rapidly, but still understandable. "I think he's been cutting himself." He added. "I wonder for how long. We could have helped him!"

"I know. See those cuts on the tops of his arms? 11 on each arm; it symbolizes his 11th birthday. He first cut himself that day. I came over soon after it happened to wish him Happy Birthday, and I saw them and made him promise to stop. I don't know if he did or not, but by the looks of it, I don't think he did."

This shocked Ludwig. He had no idea. Then again, he didn't think anyone else but Elizaveta knew.

"…Does anyone else know?"

"I don't think so. He made me promise not to tell anyone and I did because I honestly thought he would keep up to his promise."

The ambulance pulled up as she said that, and Ludwig brought him out to the ambulance, bridal style.

"Let me come with him." I said. "Please. He's my best friend."

"I can't let you on if you're not family." The medic said with an apologetic look in her eyes.

Elizaveta brought out a frying pan from thin air and said, "Let the two of us on that ambulance or you get to meet my friend here."

The medic gladly let us on after that.


	2. Chapter 2

Feliciano's POV

He woke up in a hospital room, his sleep having been disrupted by someone crying. No, not just anyone; the one crying was Ludwig. His one true love. This was unusual, he never cried. Wait, what? Hospital room? Oh, god. They didn't find him, did they? If they did, he was praying it hadn't been Ludwig. Elizeveta he could live with, and even his brother was better than the embarrassment of _Ludwig_, of all people, to find him.

All of the sudden, a thought occurred to him, and his eyes widened in fear. 'What if he leaves me like that kid from my childhood? I fell in love with him, just like Ludwig, but he never even told me his name… He said I would find out when the time was right...'

Ludwig's POV

I was crying for multiple reasons. A few of the reasons were because I remembered my childhood after so many years, and Feli was in them. I thought he was a girl… His voice was so high, and he always wore those maid dresses. I never even told him my name, but I still kissed him, and left without a goodbye. Although, it wasn't my fault. That damned pervert Francis made me lose my memory, and Gilbert had to take me back to Berlin so I could remember my family. Another reason is because Feli is in the hospital because he cut himself so much he nearly lost his life, and he isn't even waking up. Another is because I love him, but he will never love me back. He's straight. I know he is, because he always flirts with the girls at school. The last reason is because I broke my promise that we made when he got jealous of me and Ivan talking one day; the promise to protect him, and for him to protect me. I was thinking of that day, when Feli's eyes shot wide open out of obvious fear, and soon after that he started crying.

Feliciano's POV

I was crying- no, I was _bawling- _when I suddenly felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me in an awkward attempt to comfort me. No words were spoken, but that didn't matter. I eventually calmed down, and hugged him back.

"How did I get in here?" I asked after a moment, praying that it wasn't him that found me.

Ludwig told Feliciano without hesitation and asked, "Why? Why did you do it?"

Feliciano answered truthfully. "No one loves me. No one cares about me. I haven't heard the words 'Happy Birthday' in years, not even from Lovino or Eliza. They were always too 'busy' for me. The last time someone said 'Happy Birthday' was when I was 10; I was happy, and people loved me. Grandpa Rome was still alive, the love of my life was still around, and Eliza and Roderich took care of me when my Grandpa was gone as if I were one of their own." The tears started to fall again.

Ludwig's POV

I was shocked. How could he feel that no one loves him? How could people that he loves make him feel this way? How could I forget him? He was starting to get angry. "FELICIANO!" he said a bit too harshly, but he didn't care. He had to get his point across. Feliciano looked at him with worried eyes that broke Ludwig's heart. He looked like a little abused puppy. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I never should have left. DAMMIT!"

"Ve~ what are you talking about Ludwig?"

"I'm talking about our past. I'm the kid that you fell in love with. I left without saying goodbye, or even telling you my name, even after we had known each other since we were 8. The Day after I kissed you, France had come over to see my brother. He decided to play a little 'game', and when I tried to get away, he hit me upside the head. Unfortunately, it was hard enough to make me lose my childhood memories. All of them. I'm sorry Feli. Please forgive me. It's my fault…"

Feliciano's POV

No. No no no no no NO NO NO! This couldn't be happening. Yeah, they look and act alike, but… this couldn't be possible! Then again… now that he thought about it, it was VERY possible. Ludwig had moved from Berlin when he was 13, the kid from my past moved to Berlin when he was 10, and Gilbert had said they lived in Berlin for almost 3 years before they came here. Then another thought hit him like a slap across the face. They had the same exact birthdays…

"Ludwig! Mio dio, of course I forgive you! Ti amo, ti amo, ti amo!" He started to slip into Italian, his native tongue.

"Ja, Ich liebe dich auch." Ludwig had started to slip into his native tongue as well. He spoke German when he was emotionally overwhelmed or nervous. In this case, he was both, so he said pretty much everything in German.

"Nun steigen Sie, Ihren Bruder und Antoni sollte jede Minute hier sein, und Lovino wird sauer, wenn er uns sieht umarmt. Sie wissen, wie er über die Deutschen, vor allem mich fühlt."

"Ludwig, you know I have no idea what you just said."

Ludwig sighed. He switched back to English, his accent stronger than before after he had spoke his native language. " I said: Now get off, your brother and Antonio should be here any minute, and he's going to be pissed when he sees us hugging. You know how he feels about Germans, especially me."

Feliciano giggled. "Of course. He would kill us all."

Ludwig was happy that Feliciano was laughing, but he was also very upset that they weren't hugging anymore. I heard shouting and cussing down the hallway, and automatically my brain told me it was Lovino. "Speak of the devil" I mumbled.

Lovino practically busted the door down. Antonio was trying to calm him down, but to no avail. If anything, he just pissed him off more.

"Maledizione, Feliciano! Come hai potuto fare questo? Solo perché lo faccio non significa che dovreste, anche! Cazzo, ho promesso nonno sarei una buona influenza, non una BAD! Che diavolo stavi pensando? RISPOSTA ME!" Lovino yelled. Only the two brothers know what he said, so me and Antonio just looked at each other, confused.

"Mi dispiace tanto, fratello. Ma mi sentivo come se nessuno mi ama, così mi sono tagliato. Si prega di non essere pazzo, Lovi." Feliciano replied in a calm tone.

"What the hell? Lovi, ¿Qué acabas de decir?"Antonio was from Spain. Ever since they started dating, Lovino learned Spanish, and Antonio tried to learn Italian, but wasn't very good at it.

"None of your business, bastardo." Lovino looked guilty. He turned, and was about to leave, when Antonio grabbed his arm. Lovino still kept moving, and in the process, they had removed his unzipped hoodie. What we saw was a shock to both me and Antonio, but the Italian brothers weren't surprised at all. Lovino looked pissed.

"Merda!" the angry Italian exclaimed.

A/N: Please don't kill me, but this is the end! I'm sorry! But, there will be a SpaMano sequel coming soon! Look forward to it!


End file.
